


Black is a Color too

by karkatlovesme



Series: Blackblood, Noblood; Lowblood, Highblood [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, F/F, F/M, Fluff, I'm done with these tags, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, i will add tags as they come I guess, rated explicit for the cursing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-13
Updated: 2014-04-11
Packaged: 2018-01-12 06:45:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1183119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karkatlovesme/pseuds/karkatlovesme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Her name is Desixe Byrone, the only one of her kind. Her black blood puts her at the top and at the bottom of the hemospectrum. She's known for her lethal nature and her stunning beauty (if you can spot her in the shadows).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Desixe

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first fanfic and I'm pretty nervous about how you guys will see it! I'm still trying to figure out a TON of stuff since this is my first time posting. I'm sorry for any errors or whatever. Hope you like it!

The Grand Highblood was asleep.

I silently climbed out of his recuperacoon and felt around in the darkness for my clothes. My hands brushed against some of the genetic material that was already cold from sitting out too long. Being the disgusting creature I was made to be, I licked it off of my fingers like it was chocolate. Kurloz would’ve loved to see me do that. I finally found my pants and shirt and practically strangled myself trying to put them back on. Fully clothed, I snuck out of the respiteblock undetected. I nearly ran into an Oliveblood as she was coming into the room while I was leaving. She cast me a pitying glance and turned the way she came.

“Follow me,” she said softly, “I’ll prepare you a small meal.”

I followed along quietly, aware that my feet were stained with black and deep purple material, but I didn’t mind. My instincts were to lap it up like the vermin I was, but I was hungry for _real_ food. I took the female troll's hand and held it tightly. She glanced down at me and smiled.

“How old are you, young wriggler?” She attempted to make small talk with me.

“I’m going to be 8 sweeps tomorrow.” I said quietly.

“Is the master going to throw you a party?”

“No, but I think the ecto biologists are going to celebrate another year of me living.”

“Ecto biologists?” She questioned, now having her full attention faced to me.

“Yeah. I’m a test tube troll. I never had a lusus; unless you count the scientists.”

She stared at me and seemed to want to take back her invitation. I decided to do her a favor and shook my head, stopping in my tracks. “Highblood is probably going to be upset when he finds that I left the respiteblock. I should return.”

Everything about her relaxed as though she had been holding in a breath and she nodded in quick agreement. I turned back the way we came and went back into the room. He was still asleep in the sopor slime as I licked at the bits of genetic material on the floor. It was disgusting work to the regular troll eye, but to me it was as normal as eating musclebeast meat. After practically cleaning the floor of the colors, I stuck my hand into the recuperacoon, grabbed a handful of sopor slime, and wrote the Highblood a small note: “ _Hey, I’m going out in the slums; be back whenever. Desixe_.”

I knew he hated it when I used the slime to write sloppy notes on the floor and hated when I went in the slums even more. With a mischievous grin, I climbed out of the window to avoid any more confrontations and jumped my way from each rooftop until I was safely on the first rundown roof of a lowblood restaraunt, if you could even call it that. I hopped onto the dirt, surprising a few Rustbloods, and walked down the street. No one was scared of me because I wasn’t a rare sight to see. I normally made my rounds around the slums and visited the locals to catch news or just to start a conversation.

A friendly Yellowblood wriggler bounced up to me and took a hold of my hand. He flashed a smile and tried to pull me down the street.

“Desixe! There’s something you have to see!” He said excitedly while leading me to a run-down building.

I followed him curiously, stepping through the door carefully. There were a bunch of trolls with blood colors from rust to olive. There were even a few blue and teal bloods. The wriggler had squirmed his way to the front, leaving me to listen from the middle back. A troll with a torn cloak around his neck stood at the front of the room, his voice sailing around and reverberating from the walls back to where he stood. This troll spoke of an Alternia where blood was just blood and that all trolls were equal. There weren’t any absolute rulers and no one was treated a certain way. He claimed that this was how Alternia was before; a time where everything was peaceful and Her Imperious Condescension didn’t reign over us. Trolls were crying and cheering once he finished. I found myself oddly silent, letting his words sink in.

Everyone was starting to leave, but in small waves. I would guess so, I thought, this was treason and heresy he was spreading. They’d all be culled on the spot if any subjugglator just happened to come. I didn’t leave though. I hid in the shadows and watched him talk to trolls with questions. There were two other trolls that didn’t leave his side though; an Oliveblood and a Jadeblood. Once there was no one left, the Oliveblood stepped forward in my direction and crossed her arms.

“Are you going to just stand there or what?” She said.

“My apologies. I shall leave if you wish me to.”

“Not at all!” The cloaked troll burst. “What did you think of my sermon?”

“It was . . . intriguing. Do these, _dreams_ , just come to you?”

“Why yes, they do. Is this your first time hearing me speak?”

“Yes. And I must say,” I smiled at him, flashing my extremely sharpened teeth, “you’re a damn fool.”

He grinned back at me in a polite way. “Yeah, I know.”

“Actually, let me treat you all to dinner.”

The Oliveblood stiffened beside him and cast him a warning glance, leaning over to whisper something in his ear. Her nostrils were working feverishly, indicating that her sense of smell was heightened. I smirked ever-so-slightly and bowed a bit in a show of mock humbleness.

“I understand that my blood color is of an issue. I can assure you,” I said, digging my razor-like nails into my palm, “I’m no ordinary troll.” I lifted my hand for them to see black blood collecting at the small punctures and the females took a tentative step back. However, the mysterious male troll only grinned wider.

“I’m not either, and I would love to eat with you and discuss a lot of things, but I have things I need to do.”

“That’s a shame. I guess I’ll return to the Highblood. It wa—“

“The Highblood? As in, _the Grand Highblood_?” The Oliveblood piqued. “Carmine, we have to leave _now_.”

“But why? This is great news that she has connections with the Highblood himself!” Carmine said.

“Dear,” the Jadeblood finally spoke, “This isn’t just a troll with connections. Her name is Desixe Byrone.”

“Yes it is. I’m a successful experiment for the Highblood himself. I’m his to use any way he pleases. I was bred to be a laughsassin, subjugglator, and lover all rolled into the troll you see in front of you. I’m a Noblood, immortal, just an object to take up space and serve.”

“That’s not true.” Carmine frowned in deep thought, processing all that I said. “Every troll has their own freedom to be what they want to be.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, wriggler. I was made for this purpose only. It doesn’t matter how many sermons you give or how many dreams you have, I will always only be a piece of property.”

He seemed at lost for words before looking at his companions. They exchanged glances before he looked back at me.

“…I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He said before he hurried out quickly.

The other two followed close behind, leaving me in the rotting structure alone. I smiled and shook my head. Sorry? Was that all he had to say?

“So weird . . .” I muttered while leaving.

*             *             *             *

The Highblood looked over at me from across the table, musclebeast juice staining his hands and his mouth. I looked up at him and smiled, gesturing to the mess he made. He scowled at me and began to clean his face, smudging the paint around his mouth. I got up and pulled out a small container of the white paint and applied some where he smeared the coat. Up this close to him, he was huge. It wasn’t just his hair that made him appear intimidating, but he was actually that big. He wasn’t fat; his height was what made him loom over every troll he met, including me.

“I was in the slums today.” I attempted to start a conversation with him.

“So I saw from the slime note you left me, which you are cleaning up.” He replied.

“I also met a troll. Well, three trolls.”

“And?” He looked over at me expectantly once I finished with the make-up.

Something in me stopped me from answering him truthfully, and I didn’t like it. It was lying to him and it could get me in trouble.

“I’ve been invited to dinner for tomorrow night at one of the run-down restaraunts.”

“You’ll have to decline or reschedule. I have something planned for your fat ass tomorrow. It is your wriggling day after all.” He said.

“Oh?” I was caught off guard by his mention of plans for my hatching day. “What did you have in mind?”

“I’ll give you your gift and then leave you be. At night we will have a ball in honor of your birth.” He caught me off guard once again with one of his rare smiles. “It is a blood color ball, and the only one I plan on holding, so be grateful.”

“You know,” I smirked and fixed his shirt on him affectionately, “you’ll have to wear a tuxedo; a purple one at that.”

“Shut up.” He snapped endearingly. “You’ll have to wear a color besides black, and you know that in any other color you look like a fat milkbeast.”

“And you’ll look like a huge purple clown with a mess of hair and an attitude. Not to mention your big ass feet.” I hissed.

He rolled his eyes and pulled me into his lap. I laid my head on his chest and closed my eyes, listening to his bloodpusher pump steadily. He petted my head gently and sighed.

“My son is becoming quite rowdy. You need to fulfill your duty as his moirail and calm him before I do.” He grumbled.

“If you did your job as his parent and actually _talked_ to him, then I wouldn’t be so busy calming him down.”

“Shut _up_ , or I’ll make you go without food for a few days.”

“Your temper, Highblood. I can’t be everyone’s moirail.” I warned him.

My relationship, you could say that, with the Grand Highblood is very difficult. I basically filled all of his quadrants, excluding being his matesprit. Thankfully, he left that position for me to fill on my own. He grabbed my chin roughly, bringing me out of my thoughts, and forced me to look him in the eyes.

“I can tolerate your insolence for only so long, Byrone. It infuriates me when you act all smug and shit.”

I smiled and patted his cheek. “You love the hard time I give you. I make up for it in buckets in the end.”

A deep shade of purple crossed over his cheeks and I jumped out of his lap. “If you need me, I’ll be on top of the highest tower.”

And with that, I ran away before he could object or say anything to stop me.


	2. Troll Cinderella

Everyone was invited.

The doors were open to all of the slum dwellers and sea dwellers and basically any dweller that caught wind of the dance. I had personally invited the strange troll Carmine and his buddies. I had also stood there until he accepted and guaranteed he would make an appearance. The Grand Highblood was disgusted at the openness of the guests arriving, but he kept his mouth shut to please me. Darkleer and his son Horus were at the front door, checking any suspicious characters, but mainly enjoying the sights of any blue-blooded women that happened to pass by.

I sat at the end of the stairs with my head in my hands. The dress I had on had grey swirls along the breast and was otherwise pitch black. The neck thingy I wore was a gift from Highblood. It was velvet and had a bronze medallion at the center. I had on a darker shade of grey eye shadow on and black painted finger nails. My curly hair had obeyed me for once and was now in the most semi-perfect curled form possible. Yet here I was, sitting out in the cold. Horus and Darkleer had left to join everyone inside, and it was starting to get late. Highblood would be coming out to look for me soon, but I wanted to wait him out first.

I knew who I was waiting for, but I didn’t want to admit it. He _had_ to show up. He _promised_ me he would’ve come. I heard a door open and I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, dreading the touch of the Highblood. But instead, I got a warm heat radiating in front of me.

“You’re pretty pale.” Said Carmine, flashing one of his exuberant smiles as I lifted my head to stare at him. “Were you waiting for me out here?”

“Of course not!” I flushed brightly (well, as bright as black can look) and stood up suddenly to _oh my god that hurt_.

We both cried out in surprise when our foreheads slammed into each other, him falling down the stairs and me falling back on my butt. I held my head and growled in pain, but then I heard laughing beneath me. Despite the Oliveblood’s attempts to check his head, he was laughing and grinning widely. I felt a smile cross my face before I began to burst out in laughter with him.

He got up unscathed and approached me once more, but this time he held his hand out for me.

“I don’t think we have introduced each other appropriately. I am Signless, but sometimes my lusus and my friend call me Carmine.”

I slipped my hand into his slightly bigger one and he pulled me up. “I’m Desixe.” I rubbed at the dust on the front and back of my dress as the Oliveblood, sporting a bedazzling bright green dress, trotted up to us.

“I don’t really have a name, but you can call me Disciple.” She smiled politely.

I smiled back kindly just as a hard, cold hand closed around my shoulder. I stiffened and slowly looked up at the Grand Highblood as he stood there, gazing down at me.

“Highblood! You scared me!” I huffed and pushed him, or at least, attempted to. “These are the trolls I met yesterday that I told you about.”

He nodded and seemed to pull me back closer to him, but I took a few steps away from them all.

“That’s nice.” He looked at Carmine’s burgundy suit and scowled, but said nothing more.

“Highblood.” I said sharply.

He glanced over at me and rolled his eyes, obviously trying to hold back any biting comments. With a fake smile, he gestured the new guests through the front doors as I followed them close behind.

“Desixe, I need you to go mingle. This is a time where you can make good connections with a few highbloods.” Highblood said tersely.

“Fine.” I shrugged and grabbed Carmine’s hand, pulling him off into the huge throng of people.

I could tell Disciple was trying her best to follow us, but soon we were alone and outside on one of the balconies. The purple moon hung luminescent, illuminating the dark blue sky along with the stars.

“Aren’t you supposed to be mingling?” Carmine looked over at the vast garden in front of the ballroom with a silent awe.

“I am. I’m mingling with you.” I reached over and grabbed his hand for the third time that night.

He threw me a confused look but then quickly snatched his hand away when I dug my nails into his skin. Carmine held his hand out of sight but I seized it again, looking at the tiny candy red blood droplets beginning to peek from the small punctures.

“Let me go!” He yanked his hand away and fell against the rail.

I smiled at him when he fell back. “That’s really beautiful. Red like that is very passionate.”

“Please ask the next time you do that.” He sighed.

I laughed lightly and leaned forward on him, smiling slyly. His cheek turned a deep shade of red and I smirked, bringing my face closer to his.

“Nervous?” I whispered.

“Yeah. . . A little bit.” He whispered back, looking away. “You’re too close. . .”

I pulled away and looked out over the sky, gazing at the constellations as if that hadn’t happened. He seemed to compose himself and propped himself on the handrail. We stood like that for a while, silent and thoughtful.

“Listen, Signless, I--” I was cut off by Kurloz’s voice sounding over the intercom.

“De-six,” he said, purposefully pronouncing my name as if it were two separate words, “come on so we can sing happy birthday to you, girl!”

I glanced over at Carmine before rushing through the trolls to the small stage in front. Kurloz was standing there in a purple polka dotted suit and I couldn’t help but giggle at how he looked. He threw an arm around my shoulders and grinned, picking me up and spinning me around playfully. The crowd roared with laughter, some inappropriate whistles and meowing joining the noise. Once he put me down, I was beaming with all of the attention but then…

It was like I could only see him, and vice versa. Our eyes were locked together, his candy red irises flashing with affection. How he could already be entranced by my awkward behavior, I don’t know. What I do know, is that I made the most embarrassing and loud chirp on all of Alternia. Half of the crowd was drunk silly with sopor slime (thanks to the most recent wriggler of the Makara family) and only laughed harder. I was humiliated, and Kurloz sensed this because he quickly started up the song.

It didn’t end quickly enough.

*             *             *             *

All of the lowbloods and midbloods were already cleared out, and some of the highbloods had left. Only a small group of purple, teal, and indigo trolls were left. Highblood was in his respiteblock unconscious from too much sopor and Disciple had left, but Carmine stayed. We were sitting outside and getting a fresh breath of air. His hot blood made the warmth from his body radiate once more and it kept me safe from the chilly breeze.

“Desixe.” He finally spoke.

“Yes, Signless?”

“Please, call me Carmine.” He smiled charmingly. “But that’s not it. I wanted to ask you something.”

_Holy fuck._

“Are you free?”

“Excuse me?” I stammered.

“It’s just that, the way that you act around the Grand Highblood seems . . . different. He’s more open with you. Are you his moirail? Or, maybe his matesprit?”

“No! No way am I his matesprit! We’re kismesis and sometimes I act as his moirail.”

“But are you free? Could you just leave one day and then never come back?”

“I. . .” I stopped and thought about it. “…No, I’m not free. If I were to ever leave, he would hunt me down and possibly cull me if I weren’t immortal. No, no, he’d torture me so that I’d want to die, but couldn’t.”

He frowned and stood up, looking at the sun as it peeked over the horizon.

“Every troll is free. They’re free in their minds; to think what they want and to be where they want. What I wish for this planet is for their minds to be their bodies. I dream of how Alternia was before it was even called that. Trolls didn’t care about blood color or horn size or anything. We all got along, and it’s so beautiful. Everyone would be happier, truly. The first step to this is awareness.” He looked over at me and smiled. “I’m travelling around to every troll that wants to hear me, that wants to know of the time Alternia was fair and peaceful, where fear and hate did not corrupt the minds of those with the most power. I want trolls to know there _is_ another option besides this. That a life of misery can end if we all just got along.”

“You’re right.” I mumbled. “I guess if you think about it that way, blood doesn’t matter.”

“Exactly.” He grinned widely and pulled me up into a tight embrace. “Listen, if you want to run away, just do it.”

I chuckled half-heartedly and pulled away. “You’re so naïve, Carmine. Every last threshecutioner would be looking for me. I can’t.”

“But you can!” He took my hands instead and looked at me seriously. “You have great strength and will! I can feel it coming off of you. You can always change your destiny, Desixe. You don’t have to stay here!”

“I. . .” I shook my head and backed up, taking my hands from him. “I _can’t_ Carmine.” My voice had begun to sound deadly.

“Yes you can!” He persisted.

“No! God damnit! Don’t you see!? I can never leave or I would be miserable! I would be alone and I don’t know how to survive on my own! I have nowhere to go and no one to go to because you know what!? I’m a fucking slave! I get special privileges, so fucking _what_? In the end, I’m just a confused troll that begs and acts for her next fucking meal!” Tears were falling down my cheeks and I was clenching my fists tightly. “You’re dreams of freedom are just that; _dreams_. They will never come true. They are _fake_. You’re giving innocent trolls false hope . . . those poor trolls . . . with barely anything to eat and barely a roof over their heads. . .” My voice began to quiver as more tears came out and choked me.

Carmine made a move to comfort me but I stepped away with a hiss. “You need to stop your sermons or speeches or _whatever_! This is heresy, treason! You would be culled if the Grand Highblood knew about this.”

“I know . . . but, I still have to do this.” He mumbled.

“Oh mighty _Signless_ , enlighten me with your words of comfort and promise. Lead me to the light that you preach is there, but hidden behind the clouds of hatred.” I said sarcastically.

He looked hurt, like I struck him with an arrow. I felt bad that he was feeling that way, but I had to say this. As impressive as his speeches were, they were nothing more than fake hopes. Yet, I knew that deep down I wanted to believe every word he said. I wanted the Alternia he dreamed about so often, to dream about it myself, to _experience_ it. But under the rule of the Grand Highblood and Her Imperious Condescension, that would never happen.

“Just give up and . . . go. Just go and never come back.” I turned away from him and slowly made my way back into the castle, heading straight to my respiteblock. I climbed into my recuperacoon and cried.

I never glanced back at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wanna give a special thanks to the guest that left a kudos!


	3. Goodbye?

He tried to see me every day.

Signless would always find me in the slums when I visited, and I would always leap onto the roofs and away from him. He always tried to come into the castle, and the guards would always shoo him away. Once, Disciple chased after me and had managed to tackle me to the ground, but her capture was short lived when I clawed at her face, not touching, but making her feel like I drew blood. Another time, it was the Jadeblood who had come after me. She had pulled me into a fabric shop owned by a Bronzeblood, where we spent half of the day as she tried to teach me how to sew. I came to know her as Dolorosa; the kind and understanding lusus I never had, but was Signless’s.

I grabbed my black cloak and wrapped it around my neck. Dolorosa had taught me how to make this and repair it, including the fingerless gloves I was wearing. I walked out of the main doors, waving casually at the guards. They nodded in acknowledgement. There were slum children running around in the streets, although the ones that played only stuck to their blood color. It was disheartening, but expected. I pulled the hood over my head and continued on my way, waving at familiar faces and keeping an eye out for an attack by the duo.

“Dearest, what are you doing out so early?” came Dolorosa’s highly sophisticated tone.

“Rosa,” I turned around and smiled warmly, lifting my hood down politely, “it’s nice to see you. I’m only out for a walk today. I have to wrigglersit Gamzee today and I have a feeling this will be my only chance at peace.”

“Oh my, surely he is not that much of a wearisome wriggler?”

“Aye, he is. He won’t stop drinking sopor and all he does is honk. If Highblood doesn’t control him now I’m scared of what he’ll turn out to be when he gets older.” We began to walk casually down the street.

“Luckily he has you though. You’re a marvelous troll and very generous too. He is well taken care of in your hands.” She chuckled lightly as we turned off into a small bakery. “Shall I leave you to enjoy your moments of quietness?”

“Not at all! I love having your company Rosa.” I grinned up at her before turning my attention to the pastries on display. “Why are we in here?”

“I came here to get a small treat for my wriggler and Disciple. We’re leaving soon to the next town over.” She walked up to the troll at the counter and asked for the desserts they had in stock.

I stood beside her in secret shock. They were leaving soon. Carmine was leaving. They couldn’t go just—No… It was probably his decision. After all, it was me who had told him to go. It made me feel worse knowing they were departing soon.

“Let me come back with you.” I offered nonchalantly. “Let’s all celebrate your last day here.”

“I’m sure Signless and Disciple would love that.” She took a small cake from the troll, but I took it from her kindly. Rosa smiled and walked out of the store with me trailing after her.

We walked out of town and out into the desert surrounding the city. I had never been outside of the city ever since my accident with a particular hoofbeast that had “assaulted” me when I was 3 sweeps. Long story short, I smacked its ass and it kicked me in my stomach. It felt weird to be out there under the direct light of the sun. I drew my hood up and over my horns and glanced over at Dolorosa. She seemed to bask in the light and glow. I had heard that Jadebloods liked the sunlight more than any other troll for reasons unknown and I hadn’t believed it, until now of course.

A fairly big cave came into view after about twenty minutes of walking. At the entrance was Carmine, sitting with his hood drawn over his eyes and his back against the cave wall. He looked peaceful as we came closer. I noticed Disciple was absent from the area, and I wondered where she was at.

“Carmine, dear wake up, we have a guest.” Rosa called out to him.

He mumbled something and looked up at us, eyes widening when they landed on me. I smiled sheepishly and walked past him to set the cake on the ground. Before I knew it, he ran over to me and hugged me tightly, trembling. I paused for a split second but then quickly hugged him back tightly, adding to the shaking with my own quivering.

“I’m so sorry Signless. . . Please forgive me. . .” I whispered against the uncovered, warm skin under his neck.

“It’s okay. . . Now that you’re here, everything will be okay. . .” He murmured back, stroking my head.

“But Carmine, you’re _leaving_. Nothing will be okay. . .”

He sighed softly and I felt him nod. “Yes, I am.”

“I’m not coming with you.” I pulled back enough to look up at him in his eyes. “I _have_ to stay here and you know that.”

“Yes, I do know.” He gazed down at me and smiled sadly.

It broke my heart to see how sad he was, but there was nothing I could do. Running away with a stranger would not be one of my greatest moves.

“Let’s just eat some cake and say our goodbyes Car.”

 _But goodbye means I’ll never see you again_.

He grinned and nodded. “Yeah, goodbye. Let’s wait until I have to really leave to say that.”

 _Will I see you again_?

“Come sweethearts, let us partake in this dessert. It will grow old before you can even taste it.” Rosa chimed.

 _I’m flushed for you, do you know_?

“Yeah!” We broke away to dig in the cake just as Disciple came in grinning widely at the sight of me.

 _I’ll miss you like the moon misses the sun, Carmine_.

*             *             *             *

The night out in the desert was cool when they left. Carmine wouldn’t stop waving even when he became a dot on the horizon. Only when I was sure I couldn’t see him was when I ran back into the city. The whole day had left me in the best of moods. I felt so happy that I began singing on my way back to the castle. Trolls on the ground turned their heads up to me as I passed and I could tell they were smiling to see me happy. I didn’t bother going through the front doors. Instead, I leapt from roof to roof straight into my respiteblock.

But I didn’t clear the jump.

An arrow flew into my stomach just as I was close to reaching the ledge, and the impact threw me off. I fell on the brick tiles of the nearest hive, caught in the surprise of the strike. Being immortal did have its perks, but the pain that flamed in my chest from the damn arrow _hurt_. Footsteps were hurrying over to the building I was laying on and I knew I had to get away quick.

I got up and yanked the arrow out of my body. On closer inspection, it had a blue arrow head and I instantly knew who it belonged to. Darkleer couldn’t be too far away if it struck with that much force. I jumped from the roof with my blood spilling out of me and I just realized my situation. Pulling out the arrow _myself_ was an act of self-harm. If someone didn’t hurt me, and soon, I would die from my wound. I didn’t get far once again as another arrow pierced my body, this time pinning my arm to a tower. A volley of well-aimed arrows quickly joined the first and I was pinned to the wall, barely conscious from all of the pain searing through my limbs and insides. I hung my head and gritted my teeth together tightly to keep from screaming in agony.

“I can’t believe you.” Said a dark and threatening voice.

I lifted my head only slightly to gaze at my aggressor as he walked out of the shadows. The Grand Highblood stepped as close to the edge of the building he was on as he dared to get a better look at me. Blood was now flowing freely from the opening in my stomach and starting to fall from the lodged arrows.

“I give you the freedom to go about as you please, and this is how you repay me? You leave for the whole day leaving Gamzee _alone_ here. I gave you a simple task and you neglected it. You neglected _him_.”

“Hmph.” I smiled as best as I could and looked him in the eyes. “Calm yourself. You’re blowing this way out of proportion.” I rasped.

“Gamzee is fucking hurt! If anything I’m not “blowing this way out of proportion” enough!” He growled at me furiously.

“It’s not like you cared before! He was invisible to you until he hurt himself!” Raising my voice caused stars to dot on my vision.

“Silence! I could end you, you pathetic Noblood! You’re easily replaced if I so command!”

“But you could never replace the hate you felt for me.” I smirked despite all that was happening and hung my head again. “Nor the slight bit of love.”

I could hear Darkleer loading another arrow into his bow and I braced myself, clenching my fists tightly and placing my feet against the surface as best as I could. Right when the arrow left the string, I pushed away from the tower, ripping my arms and legs free, but getting pierced by the oncoming missile in the place where my bloodpusher was. They didn’t react fast enough, and I plummeted down into a stranded back alley. I landed on the ground, leaving a dent in the dirt. There was nothing more I wanted to do than to lie there, but I knew Highblood would be coming after me. It was a struggle to sit up and gather my bearings. My vision kept fading and blurring and sometimes disappearing completely. I supported my body on the wall as I shakily stood up, coughing up blood onto the floor. Wiping my mouth and gathering up the rest of my energy, I stumbled out of the alley and ran into the slums.

It was hard not to trip over my own feet and lose consciousness, but I had to get away. I picked up my speed, slowly starting to ignore the protest of my body. The familiar scent of Dolorosa washed over me and I followed it. I clung to the trail like a grub to its lusus as it led out of the city and into the desert, past the cave and going farther away. My body slowed down as time wore on. The night was at its latest and there were no animals out. Soon I couldn’t take it anymore and I collapsed on the earth. The stick part of the arrows snapped, providing a bit more comfort to just lay there. With the rest of my energy, I rolled onto my back and screamed out. My voice echoed out into the night, a ringing silence following afterwards. I doubted that anyone would hear it, and that I would be faced with the choice to kill myself or turn myself in eventually.

I closed my eyes right when footsteps ran my way.

 _Okay, screaming wasn’t my brightest idea, but you can’t blame a troll for trying_.

Even when I was lifted in the air and carried away from my spot, I didn’t have enough vitality to struggle against the person holding me. I did manage to peek through my eyes in slits, but the troll didn’t look familiar or like a stranger. I never got to have another look because I passed out.


	4. Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to give you a break from the main story line and let you see into her dreams or whatever. But yeah, also because with chapter 5 I’m slowly running out of ideas of how to, like, put her adventure with the Signless and the gang on paper. If you have any ideas and want to help me out, just comment or ask for my email if it’s not already visible on my profile. Enjoy!

I wasn’t on Alternia anymore.

There was grass everywhere and flowers and flutterbugs and everything seemed too peaceful to be the unforgiving wasteland that I knew as home. It looked more like the garden outside of the castle than Alternia, period. I was sitting down on the ground in a candy red dress with two black vertical stripes running down the front and back. I also had on arm high gloves to match.

A small breeze blew and I realized that my hair was cut extremely short. Instead of cascading down my back, it was “cascading” on my shoulders. The weird part about it was that I felt like I knew this place; that this was where I was supposed to be all along.

“It’s so beautiful here, isn’t it?” Said a small child.

I looked straight ahead and saw a young wriggler that looked almost holy shit it _was_ Carmine.

“Yeah, it does look amazing. Where are we exactly?”

“Where else would we be? It’s Beforus obviously. I bet there’s no other place out there that’s this beautiful.” He sighed dreamily.

“Beforus?” I looked at the wriggler in confusion but he only answered my question with a question.

“How come you’re dressed so nicely? Are you royalty?” He began to get extremely excited and started bouncing up and down. “Are you a princess? Do you have a big castle with tons of rooms and tons of money? Or maybe you’re an undercover detective looking for a princess who just happened to be your twin sister by dressing up like her!” He kept on rambling, and the more he spoke, the more imaginative the scenario came out.

“I’m not any of that.” I laughed lightly. “I’m just a regular troll.”

“No you aren’t.” He said, his face becoming serious. “You’re special. Special like every troll. Rosa says that all trolls are special in their own ways and that’s what makes everyone different. Like me.” His grin returned and he grabbed my hand, soft heat coming off of his skin. “I have red blood! My blood is very bright and red, and no other troll has it!”

“That’s very nice.” I said with a smile.

“What color is your blood?”

“It’s black. Black like . . . like your hair.” I ruffled his hair affectionately and he giggled.

“It isn’t good to lie y’know.” He pulled at my hand gently. “Come on, I have something for you.”

Then unexpectedly, he pulled me up to my feet and embraced me as his full grown self. I hadn’t noticed before, but his arms were strong. His muscles weren't visible, but you could feel the strength by just him holding you.

“It’s even more beautiful than this place, in my opinion. Hold out your hands and close your eyes.” Carmine took a small step back and held his empty hands behind his back.

I did as I was told and closed them, holding out my hands. He placed a flower in my palms and closed my fingers around the stem carefully.

“You can open them now.” He whispered in my ear, causing me to flinch.

I opened my eyes and held the stem of the black rose gently in between my fingers, examining it in awe. The petals seemed to blend in, but also stand out in their own shape. They laced together in some parts so close that I couldn’t tell if it was one petal or conjoined petals. Nonetheless, it took my breath away with its mystifying beauty.

“It’s so lovely . . .” I whispered, stroking the velvet petals with extreme care.

“Yes, just like you.” He grabbed my wrist gently and leaned down, pressing his lips against mine tenderly.

I don’t know how to describe what his mouth felt like. I suppose you could use words like hot and sexy and soft, but there were no words for how speechless it left me afterwards. When his lips pulled away from mine, they were on the corner of my mouth and then on my jawline…

“Carmine. . .” I breathed, trying to climb out of my foggy mind, “what’re you doing?”

“Kissing you, of course.” He planted a chaste smooch on my cheek before grinning at me. “I’ve always loved you from since I first saw you. You’re the troll of my dreams, Desixe.”

My cheeks burned a deep shade of black. “But how when—“

I was cut off by a sword piercing through my body, the hilt pressed tightly on my back. Carmine only kept grinning, but there was black blood splattered all over his shirt and pants.

“You just have to remove the sword. He’ll only keep hurting you.” He said, looking at my attacker. “The Grand Highblood can’t harm you if you refuse to let him do what he wants.”

The only thing I could do was grip the sharp edges of the blade and push back against the strength, but it didn’t budge. If anything, it drove itself in deeper.

“I can’t, Carmine I can’t.” I stammered, blood oozing from my mouth. “He’s too strong. . .”

“Well you can’t on your own, but you have all of Beforus on your side.” He patted my cheek affectionately but kept his space. “You’re never alone Desixe.”

The whole scene disappeared and the next thing I knew I was in a huge bathtub. It was that or I was shrunken down to an inch. Either way, I was in a tub with the faucet leaking. What leaked out of the spout wasn’t water though, it was _black blood_. I stared at it as the leak turned into furious, running blood. It was terrifying to see my life spill and fill the basin, half drowning me while doing so. Soon the water calmed and left me soaked to the bone in warm blood. The incessant dripping was continued and steady.

_I knew it was a dream, but sometimes no matter how hard I try I can’t seem to wake up before things get bad._

_Wake up…_

I hugged myself tightly and pinched my eyes shut.

_Wake up…_

The smell was staring to get to me.

_Wake up…_

I wanted to puke but I couldn’t.

_Wake up!_

There were bright lights sparkling down in my vision, blinding me as I opened my eyes for the first time in what felt like perigees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm also still looking for fantrolls to use, so please submit some and you might seem them in chapter 5: The Adventure Begins!


	5. The Strongest are the Most Troubled

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, there's some forming moirails and matespriteship. Coolness c: Also, I take no credit for the line used. That belongs to an awesome person on Youtube who voiced the Signless's Final Sermon.

_Damn_.

The brightness turned out to be the sparkling of many gems and minerals embedded in the walls of a cave. I didn’t attempt to move or speak. Instead, I looked at the ceiling. It wasn’t like I was in pain anymore. In fact, my body felt normal.

 _Maybe this a dream_ , I thought.

I turned my head to the side and saw a small bag sitting against the wall. Beside it were the arrows, all fixed up and ready for use. A golden trident lay propped on the wall as well, fuchsia jewels giving off a soft glow.

“Fuck.” I mumbled just as someone came into the room.

“Oh glub, are you hurting?” Came a soft voice as a female seatroll rushed over.

“No, no I’m fine.” I said while sitting up. “I just need to get as far away from here as possible.”

“Oh no, please don’t! Rest a little longer.” She placed her hands on my shoulders gently (or in a weak way) and frowned. “You looked half dead when I saw you. And you were out like a flame for a few days!”

I held back the eye roll I was about to do while managing to smile politely. “Sure, but just a little while. I’m not that popular with the royals around these parts anymore.”

“If it’s any consolation, I’m a runaway princess.” She looked away embarrassedly and pouted. “But that doesn’t mean you have to call me ‘Your Highness’ or anything like that. Glub, it really glubs me off.”

I laughed lightly and held out my hand to her. “I’m Desixe, a Blackblood runaway.”

“Oh, you’re the first of them? The Blackbloods?” Her eyes were as huge as the damn moon, and probably the exact same color.

I nodded.

“I’m Suriah, the next troll that’s supposed to try and be queen.” She beamed, but then her grin faded as she frowned. “Do you remember your family? It must’ve been hard being separated from them, no matter how weird your lusi were.”

“Excuse me? I’m a normal troll, hatched the same, raised the same, and I look the same.” I raised an eyebrow at her.

“So you don’t know about your home planet or your lusi. How many sweeps old are you?” She sat down beside me and looked at me with sympathy.

“8 sweeps. Suriah, what’s going on?”

“That’s about 17 human years. . .” She mumbled half to herself and half to no one in particular. “They should’ve told her. . .” Suriah glanced at me and placed a hand on my cheek.

I felt my cheeks heat up when her face turned serious. “I’m going to tell you everything. _Everything_. You can’t say anything though. Okay?”

She didn’t wait for my answer as she launched into a story.

“Her Imperious Condescension conquered many planets. Each of them crumbled under the wrath of her soldiers, but there was once a planet that she could not best, no matter the troll or the weapon. She got furious. So furious, in fact, that she gathered up the most skilled scientists, or Ecto biologists, and ordered them to make her an enhanced warrior. That troll would be an excellent fighter in all ways perceivable. The biologists were successful.

“They made an army of about a hundred of these ‘trolls’ and sent them out to that planet. The planet was defeated, but it wasn’t hers yet. The supertrollian trolls had taken it over for themselves. Her Highness was once again powerless against a force she could not control, and she did not like it. She went screaming to the scientists and told them her dilemma. It was her fault. She did not want to wait until the trolls were perfected. They were rushed, and she knew this, but she blamed the scientists.

“The scientists made an agreement with her; if she gave them time, then they would make a wriggler that would wipe out the entire army. The only consequence was that she had to wait until the grub reached its full potential.

“They tested and tested for endless perigees, but they did not succeed. The numbers on the planet were growing at an alarming rate, until one day, they found out their solution. A brave scientist by the name of Heilmer approached Her Condescension with a proposal. The scientist wanted to try on a different species, but not just any species, a human. Humans were similar to trolls in a lot of aspects, but they were more primitive.

 “She didn’t care what they did, as long as it was done in the next few sweeps and successful. Heilmer was sent out in space to Earth where the humans resided to kidnap a young child. He was triumphant with capturing a young female human. She had yellow hair and red eyes, tan skin with freckles dotting her cheeks, and she was only 1 sweep old and quite easy to catch.

“He returned to Alternia and they did it. It only took samples from the most elite trolls from each color of the hemospectrum to make the egg. The child was going through a metamorphosis. It was terribly young, and expected to die, but she emerged from her egg as a regular troll wriggler. Once she overcame the natural challenges of a young one, she was tested on. The test subject was powerful and immortal, but she had no recollection of who she was before. She also was very submissive, a sign of weakness in the heart, but as was expected of a post-human.

“Her Imperious Condescension took the wriggler impatiently and dropped it off on the planet. She returned in a one perigee to find the child wandering amongst the dead bodies of the trolls that were once supertrollian, but now slain. She felt a fondness towards her new weapon, and gave it to the Grand Highblood for him to raise and train. She would come and reclaim her precious threat once it was old enough to serve in society. In the meanwhile, she had the Ecto biologists create more versions of these grubs, but they were not as powerful as the first and served as servants for the royals, threshecutioners, and even developed to have psionics to do menial jobs.

“Meanwhile, the very first blackblooded wriggler was living in solitude from having been scarred from killing the trolls. She trusted no one and would often run away. It took devotion and patience on the Highblood’s part to coax her out of her shell. He named her Desixe after his favorite brand of make-up.”

Make-up. _Make-up_. What. The actual fuck. Was he thinking?

Everything came as a shock. Me being a human, whatever that was, and being named after some shit cosmetics product. Mostly the human part (debatable).

“No.” I said and stood up so fast, that my vision blackened.

Suriah was immediately at my side and I took the advantage to hug her. She hugged me without hesitation and petted my hair comfortingly. “Yes.” She whispered. “It is how it is.”

*             *             *             *

The sun was rising.

Suriah and I were stuck in the cave since temperatures outside would reach up to hundreds of degrees. We could travel, but with Suriah being a seatroll she could become dehydrated more easily. So instead of risking a chance to leave the area, we spent the day lounging lazily on the cool floors of the cave. Eventually she got up and went to explore. My curiosity was peaked when she didn’t come back after a while and I went to search for her. It turned out that the cave had many entwining tunnels that all led to one place; a huge cavern with a crystal clear lake of water sitting in the center.

I stared at the shimmering water before realizing how thirsty I was.  My mouth was as dry as fucking sand while the water taunted me. I ran over to where water met pebbles and waded into the liquid without second thoughts. My cloak floated as I dunked my head underneath, drinking in the fresh water greedily.

I resurfaced and grinned, my thirst quenched and my curiosity cured.

The head of Suriah popped up and smiled at me. “Guess who got brunch!” She squealed while holding up a fat fish stabbed onto her trident.

I clapped and waded back onto the shore as she came in to drop the fish off on the pebbles.

“I’ll go get a rock to scale it. Watch out for any monstrosities who try to take it!” She warned before running off and diving back in the lake.

“Monstrosities.” I scoffed. “Nothing is brave enough to take me on face to face.”

“ _Oh really_?”

I froze and my eyes widened in what felt like utter terror. I resisted the urge to scream and not turn around as a cold claw traced the center of my throat.

“ _Look at you, all grown up. Her Imperious Condescension will have great use for you. Right, Desixe?_ ” The claw pressed into my skin and I felt blood trickle down my skin.

“ _DESTINY!_ ”

“Desixe?! Desixe! Oh glub, wake up!”

Suriah was over me worriedly, patting my cheeks and calling my name, but I never heard her. The sound of that voice was still ringing in my ears. The voice was female and desperate. It was like she believed that in that one word I would come to her, return to her. I wanted to. I wanted to take that voice and reassure it I was alright, that I was alive. Was it my weird lusus that Suriah told me about?

“Suriah? Suriah, you’re so loud. . .” I mumbled. “My head hurts. . .”

“Desixe!” She cried. “You were unconscious when I came back! Are you okay!?”

“Yeah, yeah.” I slowly sat up with the heel of my palm pressed firmly against my temple. “Where’s the fish?”

She seemed like she wanted to protest about me getting up, but said nothing. “It’s gone. Something took it. I thought that it had managed to hurt you or worse. . .” She looked on the verge of tears and I quickly attempted to calm her by petting her cheek.

“I’m fine. See? All good to go.” I smiled to further comfort her and her posture relaxed some.

“If you say so. . .” She said while wiping her eyes.

I glanced around the perimeter and saw no footprints indicating a strange troll was here at any point. It would’ve been dumb to ask Suriah in the state she was in, so I didn’t.

“Hey, Dez.” Suriah said, calling me by some nickname.

I turned my attention to her and she was smiling. Jeez, bipolar much?

“Come fishing with me. It’ll be fun!”

I snorted and shook my head. “I can’t swim, Princess. I’ve never been in a large body of water before.”

“Liar.” She grinned.

Yes, I _was_ lying. How the fuck did she even catch me doing it? The snake.

“Fine.” I groaned as she hopped up.

I untied my cloak and laid it far away from the water to dry, as well as my shirt and pants. I was completely naked as I ran into the water. Suriah was standing still and staring at me in astonishment. I glanced back at her and tilted my head.

“What’s the matter? I thought we were going fishing?”

“Yeah but,” she sputtered helplessly, “You’re _naked_!”

I looked at my form, unclothed from head to toe. There was nothing wrong with how I looked.

“So? Is my bulge out?” I glanced at my front part. “It shouldn’t be.”

“No it isn’t, but you have _nothing on_.” She objected. “Get your clothes back on, _now_.” Suriah commanded.

“The water helps my headache go away, as well as prevent all of my other wounds from burning.”

She didn’t know what to say as she went in the water after me. “Why doesn’t it bother you?”

“Well, if everything you said is true, then I was handed over to Highblood. I was his to use for his sexual needs whenever he wanted. We sort of developed a multi-quadranted relationship and he often tore my clothes to shreds. I was forced to walk down the hallways naked until it became an insignificant factor.”

“You poor thing.” She swam over to me and gazed at my face (only looking at my face, quite intensely I might add). “It must’ve been hard.”

“Don’t give me your pity.” I snapped, flashing my fangs.

She didn’t bother to wince as she papped my cheek. I blinked at her and smiled, shaking my head.

“Whatever.” I said as I dove down into the water.

*             *             *             *

We ate what we could manage before sunset. Once the sun was gone beyond the horizon we set out into the direction of the nearest town.

“Hey Suriah, have you ever heard of the Signless?” I asked, looking up at the stars.

“Yes, in fact I have. His speeches are gorgeous. Why do you ask?”

I smiled and sighed. “I think we should help him.”

“How? I’m guessing neither of us know where to begin when talking about something as extraordinary as that.”

“We can get a troll from each caste of the hemospectrum to join us and support him. We’ll then meet up with him and we can do some major stuff!”

“But he won’t know what we’re doing and we won’t know where he’s at. Not to mention how hard it will be to get a troll from the highbloods to join us.”

“You’re here, aren’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Then we can gather highbloods. It’ll work itself out.” I grinned and patted her arm. “We can do this. It just takes time.”

“I guess so.” She sighed in defeat. “Why can’t we just roam around and live together? Just stay peaceful and invisible.”

“That’d be giving up Suriah. We can’t roll over while trolls are dying out there and Signless is taking Alternia on by himself. We need to give him encouragement.”

“Right, right.” She murmured. “I guess so.”

“Stop guessing! It’s do or die moments that you will face and you are only allowed to do, never die. Besides, Alternia needs a new queen once Her Highness is dethroned.”

“You make it sound like we’re actually going to beat this! You’re glubbing crazy if you think we’ll succeed.” She crossed her arms.

“Yeah, maybe I am. But in my mind I see a world where we all work together.”

_And it’s so fucking beautiful._

She smiled at me and took my hand in hers. “Well, it’s us against the world now.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” I grinned at her and pulled her along as I began to run at full speed through the wasteland.

She managed to hold onto my arm as she flew behind me like a flag, screaming and laughing. I ran three days’ worth of travelling with Suriah clinging to me for her life. She finally got to walk with me as I slowed down from fatigue, panting and face covered in sweat.

A light wind blew and I couldn’t help that my thoughts drifted to how the Highblood was managing without me, but then I thought of how criminal he could make me known to be. I also thought of poor Kurloz and the little grub Gamzee. Highblood didn’t know to raise wrigglers as well as I showed him. It wasn’t like he paid any attention either. All of them would have tempers flaring with no one to calm them down; it would be disastrous.

“Desixe!” Suriah hissed, grabbing my arm tightly. “Quick, this way!” She yanked me into a bush and crouched down low.

“What’s going--?” She clamped a hand over my mouth and pressed a finger to her lips before pointing towards the other way.

I stopped and listened closely, hearing the sounds of laughter and talking. There were two trolls engaged in a heated conversation while another followed them and laughed. Despite the look of terror Suriah gave me, I peeked over the leaves and saw _HOLY SHIT._

“Carmine!!” I yelled out as I jumped up from the bushes and ran over to him.

He looked my way in shock, not assessing what was coming at him as I barreled into him, knocking him to the ground. Dust flew up, blinding the other two trolls while I hugged Carmine tightly. He seemed to recognize me too and wrapped his arms around my body tightly, holding me close to him.

“What’re you doing here?” He mumbled against my hair.

“I ran away! Carmine, I-I ran away. . .” I hid my face as everything that had happened came back as a rush in an outburst of tears and crying.

He shushed me and rubbed my back, looking up at the others once everyone had calmed down. Suriah, Disciple, and Dolorosa were watching in pity.

“Hey there, no tears. You’re free now.” He said gently, turning his attention back on me.

I sniffed and pulled back some to smile down at him. “Yeah,” I stammered, “you’re right.”

Without thinking, I leaned down and placed a hard kiss on his mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wanna give a special thanks to the second kudos of this work! Also to my brother for the fantroll "Heilmer". Thanks a bunch bro!


	6. Off Track

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I’m sorry for the way too long wait. School has been crazy and so has my work ethic.  
> Yeah.  
> But anyway here it is! I’m really sorry it’s short.  
> “OMFG KARKATLOVESME YOU SON OF—“  
> Yeah, I know.  
> I’ll have a second and better chapter out soon. My pot is brewing with lots of ideas now after damn writer’s block.  
> “I now feel Andrew’s pain”  
> Yes, we all do.  
> We all do.

Carmine and I were holding hands, walking with the others watching us. His face was a deep shade of red while I remained oblivious to the attention. Suriah seemed to take an interest in Disciple as she snuck small stares now and then at her hair and her body. Dolorosa watched us all with a smile on her face, her eyes lingering on me and Carmine before looking around the wasteland.

“Car.” I whispered. “You’re so red.”

He looked away, blushing more as I giggled. Suriah grabbed my free hand and pulled me a feet away from Car and the others.

“Desixe, we can’t travel with them! Look at you! L-look at me!”

“Ria, relax. Everything will be fine, especially now that we’re with the Signless!” I smiled at her, but she wouldn’t meet my eyes.

“It isn’t just that. That Oliveblood troll . . . she’s off. I . . . I’m not too sure about her.” She murmured.

“Disciple? She’s perfectly safe! Are you . . . flushed for her?”

“What?!” She looked at me in horror and then grew angry. “Never in a million years! She stinks and she’s too curvy and her voice is too amazing for her own good!”

“Look at you!” I laughed. “Feeling a little caliginous are we?”

“Shut up. She just rubs me the wrong way. By living.”

“Oh stop. If it makes you feel any better, at the next town we’ll check in at a different hotel.”

“I guess that’s fine.” She sighed.

I smiled and wrapped my arm around her shoulders, nuzzling her cheek. “Shush or I’ll pap you.”

“I would like it if you papped me.” She smiled, nuzzling back.

I papped her cheek. “I’ve been thinking, Suriah.”

“Yeah?”

“Well, I really think you’re a good match for me. Like, you make me calm and stuff. What do you say; do you want to be moirails?” I glanced over at her.

“Sure.” She grinned and wrapped her arm around my waist. “I’m always here for you, Desixe.”

“Hey, what’re you guys doing?” Disciple chimed from ahead.

“None of your damn business, feral!” Suriah spat, blushing furiously.

I let her go and laughed, walking back up front to where Car still led. He slipped his hand back into mine as we entered our first city together.

*              *              *             *

In the end, Suriah and I stayed at a completely different hotel while the others slept not too far off. The next morning as she was asleep in bed, I snuck out of our room and met Signless at one of the tenants. From there, we walked around, scouting out places for his sermon and enjoying each other’s company. We ended up resting outside of town, gazing at the hoofbeasts as they grazed in the field. The sky was clear and shining brightly with stars.

“Car, I’m worried.” I murmured once we were on the ground; me lying on top of him.

“Worried?” he questioned.

“About you.” I mumbled lowly.

“Oh.”

We were silent for a few minutes before he spoke again.

“Don’t be. Everything will be fine.”

I grinned and attacked him in a swarm of affectionate kisses.


	7. So Beautiful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it guys! The final chapter! It isn't the last, because I plan on making this a series. THIS IS A TEARJERKER. You have been warned. Enjoy ;3

Perigees passed.

I walked alongside Carmine; more or less waddling. My stomach had expanded to the size of a medium boulder and it was getting harder to stand, let alone walk. None of the doctors we went to knew what to say. One of them suggested it was my lack of food and recommended I stay and eat. Dolorosa tersely assured him that we all were well fed and that it wasn’t necessary.

It was becoming clearer that we needed to see someone who knew more about trolls, specifically me, but I refused to bat an eye at the idea. Disciple suggested that maybe I was a mother grub, but then Dolorosa had a talk with her about how trolls were born (I didn’t even know how trolls were born).

It was n a cold and frosty day that something was wrong. I couldn’t sit up and each time I tried my stomach would pulse in pain. I could hardly turn over in place as well. Dolorosa placed her hand on my stomach and prodded gently in some areas. I could see the concentration on her as she brought her other hand up to the opposite side. We all watched her closely.

“Eggs.” She murmured. “Three of them.”

“ _Eggs_!?” We asked simultaneously.

“How can you be so sure Rosa? Maybe you’re just feeling air pockets.” Carmine said.

“In my days underground in the caverns, before you were born my grub, I was always at the Mother Grub’s side during her time of brooding. She let me feel her stomach.” Rosa recalled with a fond smile. “I always got to touch spots where some of her eggs protruded.”

“We have to trust her.” I said with a sigh. “She has experience with this kind of stuff, and the only troll we have at the moment with that knowledge.”

“You’re right, my love. “Carmine smiled. “But how do we know when she’ll . . . have them?”

“Time can only tell.” Suriah chided.

“Yeah.” Disciple chimed. “In the meantime, think of how fun it’ll be to have little grubs crawling around!”

“Also how much food we’ll need to keep them happy and healthy.” Car said.

“How about we figure out some names in the meantime.” I grinned, not knowing exactly how brooding worked.

“That we will have to wait for, my dear.” Dolorosa said. “You can give a grub its name once it has developed a personality to earn it.”

I pouted and looked at my stomach.

“You little bugs better come out soon.”

*             *             *             *

Snow came down in heavy globs.

The wind howled and roared.

Chunks of ice struck down everything.

The pain was unbearable. It was like my nook was splitting in two. Carmine hadn’t returned yet, Suriah was probably hiding in a temporary shelter, and Disciple couldn’t stay anywhere near me without puking, so it was only the Dolorosa and I in the darkest part of the cave. She was doing her best to coax me into calmness, but waves of pain kept driving me to the brink of tears.

“Rosa, it hurts so much!” I whimpered.

“Do not worry my dear.” She replied softly. “All will be well.”

Then I convulsed heavily in body shaking spasms.

The first egg was out, but it was only the first of three. Rosa took the egg and placed it beside her in a bundle of old cloths. The next convulsion was what seemed like sweeps later, but I hardly felt it through the numbness. The pain was too much to where I could hardly feel anything even if I wanted to.

“The eggs are safe my dear.”

Dolorosa. . .

“They’re just fine, Desixe.”

That sounded like Carmine!

“C-Carmine . . .” I whispered.

His image got blurry before my eyes and I felt my head spin. They looked between my legs and their faces turned pale.

“Quick, get something to stop the blood!” Carmine shouted.

Blood?

I glanced down and saw pools of black blood gathering around me. But, then my vision failed completely.

*             *             *             *

I opened my eyes slowly.

It was white all around me; really bright and white.

_Where’s Carmine and the others?_

Slowly, the brightness dimmed down back to the cave. Immediately, I looked at where I last laid.

Except. . .

_I’m there._

“No! Desixe please don’t die!” Carmine cried.

Rosa gently placed her hands on his shoulders and moved him away from my body.

“Car, what are you talking about? I’m right here.” I said, attempting a smile. “I’m not dead, Signless.”

He didn’t look at me as his body shook with sobs. Rosa positioned a blanket over “my” face and guided Car away towards the mouth of the cave. I reached out to touch my unmoving body, but everything brightened into that white again. There was nothing as far as I could see, so I just began walking with no destination in mind. It was like this for sweeps. I never got tired and I never needed anything to survive.

I was just. . .

Just empty space, travelling into nothingness upon nothingness.

“Hello?”

I turned to my right and saw a troll about 4 sweeps older than me smiling warmly.

“Hi.” I replied.

His cloak was burnt at the edges and his horns were really nubby. He looked extremely familiar, but I had gone without contact for so long that I wasn’t sure.

“I’m glad to see you again.” He said.

“I’m sorry, who are you?” I tilted my head to show my confusion.

His face looked perplexed for a moment before he held out his arms. “Desixe, it’s me. Carmine.”

“Carmine?” I said his name slowly.

“Yeah.” His face lit up. “Can I show you something?” His eyes were completely white, but still inviting.

“I suppose. It depends on what it is.”

“Come on.” He held out his hand to me expectantly. “It’s my final sermon.”

Hesitantly, I placed my hand in his.

Almost immediately, a scene materialized around us. The sky was bleeding red, covering the land in its glow. Trolls from every color of the hemospectrum were gathered as far as the eye could see into this one area. A hush fell across the crowd as two Blueblood trolls walked through the center with a troll held between them. His wrists were shackled together in iron hot cuffs, his clothes were dirty and ripped beyond repair, and gashes with free falling candy red mutant blood covered his exposed skin. The troll kept his head held high despite the shame it was supposed to bring him.

“That’s me.” The troll named Carmine whispered.

They chained him on top of a tall rock and let him hang there so that the cuffs dug into his flesh. Not once did his gaze leave the swarm of bodies.

“Here is your hope, your _revolution_.” The Grand Highblood roared. “ _This_ is what happens when you try to disrupt order in our society!” He gestured to an elegant, highly decorated (literally, she had tons of gold jewelry) troll dressed in hot pink. A younger troll in handcuffs (also dressed in pink) stood beside her with her head lowered.

Trolls shouted out approval, but they were drowned out by cries of despair. The most muscular out of the two Blueblood trolls took his place in front of the bound troll. A Jadeblood was thrown down in the dirt with male trolls holding her in place to force her to watch.

“Any last words?” The troll in pink purred.

“I have been peaceful.” He rasped. “I have been kind. I only dared to speak what others have been dreaming for so long.” He paused, registering the silence that claimed everyone. “I have dreams too: dream of what might have been. Where blood was simply blood and all of us were equal. If wishing for that is heresy, then yes; I deserve to die.

“I have seen acts of the most sublime kindness, and the most vile cruelty. They say powerful beings find anger when they have no room for love.” He looked at Highblood with sympathy. “What made you so? Are you scared of change? Scared of those who are different?”

He let his head hang in defeat and lowered his voice. “I realize; I am different than you.

“I have known feelings that none of you could ever hope to know! I have known the camaraderie of a friend who supported me against all odds. I have known the compassion of a guardian who took me in when no others would and raised me to dream and hope! I have known the love,” his voice cracked slightly, “and passion that transcended definition.

“There’s no use hiding it now!” He raised his voice to reach everyone’s ears. “You all can see me for what I am; the Signless, the Sufferer, the mutant. My blood burns brightly for all to see. It is the flame of a revolution you cannot ever hope to quell! My memory can be erased but my ideals will never die!

“My mistake was believing I could change a world infected by _hate_ and _corruption_! You’ve hunted down a troll until she was forced to die with a bounty over her head! The pity you’ve taken on my disciple will wound her; she has known true friendship and you have forced her into a life of solitude! The worst, a mother to watch her son die!” His voice rose louder as Darkleer loaded his arrow.

“I see you for what you are, I always fucking have. I thought I could fucking change you. Fuck me for being a fucking fool! Fuck. . .” He threw his head back and yelled. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!!!”

Darkleer released his arrow into the troll’s chest, but it didn’t kill him right away. Candy red blood spurted from the wound and splattered onto the ground. I could feel hot tears of sorrow stream down my face.

"Fuck. . ."

“I am angry,” he barely whispered, “because I forgive you. . . I may be the biggest fucking fool on Alternia, but when I close my eyes, I see a world where we all work together.” A tear fell down his cheek as the scene began to brighten.

“And it’s so . . . fucking. . .” He took his last breath.

“. .Beautiful.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own the final sermon. I just made minor tweaks. I want to thank the two guests that left kudos: thanks guys! Also, I know I left out smutty goodness, but that's up to you guys! Send any fanfic with DesSign smut or whatever and it might make an appearance in the Black is a Color too. I'm also taking baby names! The next main character is already thought of. Her name is Demine and she's like her mum. I just need the 2 other grublets names'. They're important and I can't think of any!  
> Send any ideas or requests or anything like fanart (dream come true for me cx) to my email.  
> shionnahbaker@gmail.com  
> I'm trusting you guys not to abuse it!


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